Leaving Asset Management Without Bitterness: A Case Study for Accountability, Not Amnesia
“Your silence will not protect you.” — Audre Lorde
“Neutrality” isn’t neutral; it’s a costume power wears to the board meeting.
I left asset management not with a clenched fist, but with an open ledger: line items of what happened, what it cost, and what must change. This is not a grievance memo in disguise. It is a witness statement—braided from data, policy, and story—about how “neutral” corporate systems can become pipelines for bias, and how leaders can turn the tide with real accountability.
I speak as someone who loved the work. I built models, coached analysts, and fought for better processes. But when “be perfect with no support” becomes a management doctrine, even excellence buckles. In September 2024 I formally asked HR to investigate a toxic environment—outlining patterns that began in 2023: ideas dismissed, training withheld, and opportunities funneled to male peers while my concerns were minimized and later used to justify a demotion.
Meanwhile, what gets labeled “performance” often turns out to be disability-related needs left unaccommodated. I documented hearing loss and diabetic retinopathy, requested simple tools (e.g., Grammarly) and meeting flexibility while hypoglycemic, and still encountered pushback and character judgments.
The investigation summary later declared “no evidence” of discrimination and reframed the conflict as my “leadership issues,” offering severance instead of structural repair.
Let’s name what this is. A system that calls itself neutral while consistently discounting the voices and needs of women of color and disabled employees is not neutral; it’s calibrated. As Caroline Criado Pérez shows, “gender-neutral” defaults are typically male defaults; missing data about women becomes institutional silence.¹ Audre Lorde insists that breaking silence is the first ethical act; anger, properly harnessed, clarifies.² Ruby Hamad maps how white fragility in feminist spaces recenters power and punishes those who speak up.³ Ibram X. Kendi reminds us racism is a policy outcome, not a feeling; if a process reliably protects dominant groups, it is performing as designed.⁴
The Pattern Behind the Incidents
Selective Credibility: When my white male counterparts escalated concerns, they were validated; my escalations were dismissed or pathologized.
Procedural Fog: I was denied transparent access to the very feedback used to judge me, and asked for policies that supposedly barred sharing it.
Accommodation Drift: Documented disability needs were framed as “unprofessionalism,” despite contemporaneous explanations and requests.
Retaliation Dynamics: After reporting, my role was reduced and redefined, while critics of my leadership were promoted into the seats I once occupied.
None of this proves individual malice; it demonstrates system design. As Kendi would say, outcomes are the evidence.⁴ And as Pérez would urge, measure the gap.¹
The Human Ledger
I will not sanitize the cost. The anxiety, insomnia, and depressive episodes were real; I sought treatment, entered partial hospitalization, and kept HR informed.
The work I loved became a site of injury. Yet even then, I tried to build psychologically safe, documentation-driven practices across teams.
From my personal writings—my internal barometer—this is how it felt: “In corridors where judgments freeze, she battles on, with silent pleas”; “To love what I do… but to lose my peace, I dare not”; “No soul wears the same skin… the beauty of stories, in every face.” These poems were not theatrics; they were diagnostics—a pulse oximeter for culture.
The Corporate Myth of Neutrality
Neutrality as Violence: “Not racist,” “gender-neutral,” “we treat everyone the same”—these are often compliance mantras that mask skew.¹⁴
Silence as Policy: When HR processes request quiet patience while promotions speed past, silence becomes a structural instruction.²³
Objectivity Theater: Anonymous feedback without disclosure, opaque policy citations, and undocumented “standards” create a fog where bias thrives.¹³
As Lorde reminds us, *the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house.*² But leaders can build new tools.
A Concrete Accountability Agenda for Executive Leadership
Publish an Equity Scorecard (Quarterly).Disaggregate promotion, performance, pay, attrition, and investigation outcomes by gender, race/ethnicity, disability status, and manager. Pérez shows measurement changes design.¹
Investigations with Due Process—Not Black Boxes.
Written scope, evidence lists, and policies cited.
Right of response to specific claims before conclusions.
Share sanitized excerpts of feedback with subjects and allow rebuttal attachments. (You already track this material; share it responsibly.)
Accommodation First, Assessment Second.
Before performance judgments, document whether requested accommodations were granted and effective. Reevaluate any “unprofessionalism” findings tied to untreated disability needs.
Bias Interlocks in Talent Decisions.
Any demotion or reassignment within six months of a protected complaint triggers a mandatory bias review and senior sign-off with a written rationale.
Right-Sized Workloads and Resource Parity.
Require documented resourcing plans where teams are understaffed but “zero-error” expectations persist; otherwise you’re institutionalizing failure and scapegoating.
Manager Capability Model = Safety + Standards.
Build manager KPIs around psychological safety and quality: e.g., “errors caught via open communication before client impact” (your own leaders already use this language).
Sunlight for DEI:Treat women of color’s testimony as data, not “drama.” Center the most affected voices; pair quant with narrative.²³⁴
Why I Left—and What I’m Asking
I did not leave because I was bitter or fragile. I left because awareness without structure is theater. I asked for help, documented patterns, and proposed fixes. The response offered me severance instead of systemic correction.
I want better for the next analyst who believes in this work as much as I did.
So this is my minimal ask to executive leadership:
Acknowledge that neutrality can encode bias.
Commit to the accountability agenda above with dates and owners.
Report outcomes publicly to employees each quarter.
Protect the messengers; they’re often your earliest risk controls and your best designers of better systems.
Or, as Lorde would put it—choose transformation over comfort.²As Pérez would say—measure what you claim to value.¹As Hamad would insist—center those who’ve paid the tax of fragility.³As Kendi would demand—change the policy; the outcomes will follow.⁴
I left, yes. But I’m not done. My voice—and the voices of many—remain on the record. Accountability is how you prove that the record matters.
Epilogue (because I’m still me)
From my own pages: “Kintsugi, the art of golden seams… The scars are not hidden, but shown with pride.” I’m not asking you to hide the cracks. I’m asking you to mend them in gold—so the vessel holds for everyone, not just the few.
Works Cited (MLA)
Criado Pérez, Caroline. Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men. Abrams Press, 2019.
Hamad, Ruby. White Tears/Brown Scars: How White Feminism Betrays Women of Color. Catapult, 2020.
Kendi, Ibram X. How to Be an Antiracist. One World, 2019.
Lorde, Audre. Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches. Crossing Press, 1984.
(Internal documentation referenced for factual claims about timeline, accommodations, and HR process; see excerpts:)
